Fluidity (Hearts Not Parts Collection Book 2) Read online

  Fluidity

  FLUIDITY

  Hearts Not Parts Book 2

  COPYRIGHT

  © 2017 by E.M. Leya

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  Emma Marie Leya on Facebook

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher or author. Requests for permission to copy part of this work for use in an educational environment may be directed to the author.

  This book is a work of fiction. References to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or persons or locales, living or dead, is entirely coincidental

  Edited by Dillion B.

  Cover by Sara York

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  EPILOGUE

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ALSO AVAILABLE FROM E.M. LEYA

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

  I have so many people to thank for helping with this book. Gender fluid or demi gender is a term that I hadn't heard when I was younger. As a youth 30+ years ago I was simply thought of as a tom boy. For me, finding the category of gender fluid felt like everything in my life suddenly made sense. I wasn't alone embracing one gender or another. It was okay to express both sides. I hope with this book that others who feel the pull of both genders will see that they are not alone. Find gender fluid groups to join, express yourself, and know that it is okay to be who you are, who you feel like being.

  I have to thank Jess McPherson for his willingness to help me make sure I had everything right in this book. For me, as a recluse who hides behind the computer screen, I don't understand what it is like to face the world each day as demi gender. Jess's knowledge and assistance helped me to make sure I got it right. Thank you so much for being the amazing person you are, for sharing your thoughts and emotions with me, and helping me make this book better.

  I also need to thank my beta readers. You are all so willing to help me, no matter the topic I write about. I have the best group of readers, who are strong enough to show me my mistakes, suggest ways to improve, and help me grow as a writer. Thank you each and every one of you. Carolyn, Tammi, Cindy, Alyson, Adriana, Diane, and Hannah, you are each a superstar for all you do. Also to my editor Dillion B, and to my amazing cover artist, Sara York, I couldn't publish without either one of you! Thank you for your hard work and time.

  I would also like to thank the youth at Lambert House for their willingness to talk about their thoughts on gender fluidity, and share the information they have about it with Alyson so she could in return help me make this story stronger. And Alyson, thank you for talking to them!

  CHAPTER ONE

  Les stared over the dark bar, watching couples dance as he nursed his drink, wondering how the hell he ended up spending his Friday night in a gay bar. He sighed as he combed his fingers through his short, brown hair. It wasn't the fact he was in a gay bar that bothered him, but more that his reason for being there was now out on the dance floor in some man's arms, leaving him alone at the table.

  He couldn't blame Jeff for dancing, and by how he looked up at the man who held him, Les figured once again his roommate was going to get lucky. How was it a single, gay man with no desire to commit could get laid several times a week, but him, a single straight man who wanted a relationship and commitment couldn't even get a date?

  With a sigh, he rolled his shoulders and sat back in his chair. He'd leave if he could, but he didn't dare until he knew for sure Jeff had a way home. As the two men rubbed their bodies closer together, Les was pretty sure he could walk out the door and Jeff wouldn't even miss him.

  "Another drink, Sweetie?" The older waitress set another bowl of pretzels in front of him.

  "Yeah, I guess I'll have one more." He pushed a ten-dollar bill to her and smiled. "Thanks."

  "No problem. Your date leave you for another man?" She nodded to the dance floor.

  "Nah, Jeff's my roommate. We trade off picking where we drink. Tonight was his choice."

  "Well, you shouldn't let it stop you from having fun. Go find someone to dance with." She gestured across the bar. "You might not get any of those women over there to go home with you, but I know they enjoy a good dance, no matter who the partner might be."

  "Thanks, but I'm okay." He picked up a pretzel and popped it in his mouth.

  "Okay, I'll be right back with your drink." She hurried off after giving him a sympathetic smile.

  "You don't look okay to me. You look kinda bored over here all by yourself." A man's voice had Les turning.

  "I'm sorry?" He looked at the woman standing beside his table. She was beautiful, her long blond hair falling in waves of curls over her shoulders. She wore hardly any makeup, but she didn't need it. Her features were perfect, her skin smooth, and her eyes... Les could get lost in eyes like those. He stared up at her, she had to be nearly six feet, several inches taller than him.

  She gestured to the dance floor. "He belongs to you, right?"

  Les swallowed back his confusion. It sure was a male's voice. He stared at the woman for a long moment, trying to see if she was one of the transvestites he'd seen in the bar before, but she didn't look like them. Everything about this person screamed woman. "Belongs to me? You mean Jeff? He's my roommate, we're friends."

  "Same thing. You came here together." She tapped her long, perfectly painted red fingernails on the table. "Carl's my cousin." She pointed to the man dancing with Jeff. "I figured since we were both left alone, and it doesn't appear that either of them is coming back anytime soon, you and I might as well keep each other company." She held out her hand. "I'm Axel."

  Les took her hand and shook it gently. "Les."

  "You mind if I sit?" She moved to the chair across from him, but didn't slide onto it as she looked at him, waiting for permission.

  "Sure, you might as well." Les wrinkled his brow. "I don't mean to be rude, but—"

  Axel held up a hand to cut him off. "You're not rude. Rude would have told me to fuck off. You are uninformed. There is a difference." She ran her fingers through her long hair. "I'm what they call gender fluid. Today you get my feminine side. I was born male, but some days the girl inside me wants out, so I let her."

  Les nodded, not completely understanding, but he wasn't about to risk asking any more questions and saying the wrong thing and going from uninformed to rude. "Well, your feminine side is very beautiful."

  "Thank you." Axel placed her hand o
ver her heart. "Compliments will get you a drink." She waved to the waitress.

  "Oh, thanks, but I just got one." He wasn't sure how to feel about a woman buying him a drink, even if it wasn't really a woman.

  "The next one then." Axel smiled as the waitress came back, placing Les's drink on the table. "Thanks, Judy. I'll get a draft."

  "Sure thing, Ax." She turned to Les. "You need anything more?"

  "I'm good for now, but thanks." He wrapped his hand around his fresh drink.

  She nodded and left them for a rowdy table across the bar.

  "So, I've never seen you here before." Axel stared across the table at him.

  Les tried not to gaze directly into his — her— what did he call Axel? Either way, looking into those eyes, he risked drowning. "I've been here a couple times. My roommate likes it here. We trade off bars every Friday. He picks, then I pick. Tonight was his night."

  "You don't like it here?"

  "It's not that I don't like it, but, well, let's just say it's not my crowd. Not that I have a problem with anyone here, but I'm not gay."

  "Ah, so you want the girls. Maybe some bar closer to campus. A cute co-ed or something," Axel said it matter-of-factly, not rude.

  "Maybe. I like the environment here. It's casual, easy, and laid back, but yeah, I'd like to be out on that dance floor too. I love Jeff to death, but he always does this. We go out, and I end up sitting alone, watching him the rest of the night. In an hour or so, he will come over and apologize, tell me I can head home and he'll make it up to me another night. Then he'll leave with... What did you say his name was?"

  "Carl." Axel flipped her hair over one shoulder as she watched them still dancing. "Carl's my ride, so he better not skip out in an hour."

  Les laughed. "I learned after the third time to make sure I always drive when we come here. If they skip out, I can give you a ride home."

  "You're sweet." Axel placed a hand over Les's. "I'm five minutes away. I can walk if I need to."

  Lex wasn't about to let anyone, male or female that looked as good as Axel walk home in the middle of the night. He would give… Ugh, what did he call her – him? He swallowed and sighed. "Again, I'm sorry, but what um…." He was sounding like an idiot, but he didn't know what else to do. "Do I call you him or her?"

  The smile that spread over Axel's face lit up the whole bar. "What are you most comfortable with?"

  "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

  "Neither bothers me. I know it does some, but I know who I am. That's what matters. You call me what you want." Axel gave Lex's hand a gentle squeeze before sitting back. "No one has ever asked me that before. I like that you did. Most people are rude, wanting to know what I am, not what I prefer to be called."

  "I didn't want to be rude and get it wrong." Les blushed. "I think I like her right now because that's how you look. If I ever see you as a he, then it will probably be he."

  "There you go. See how easy that was." Axel crossed her long legs and set her hand on her knee.

  Les stared, taking in how soft and curved Axel's legs were. He even liked the black six-inch heels that encased a seemingly perfectly feminine foot. He shook his head, reminding himself he shouldn't be ogling her, no matter if she was the sexiest thing he'd seen all week.

  "Do you like them?" Axel wiggled her foot. "I usually prefer platforms over these; they're easier to walk in, but nothing really went with this dress." She ran her hands down the slinky, black dress that stopped mid-thigh.

  Les blushed at being caught looking. "They look great on you. I have never understood how people walk in those. I'd break something."

  "Exactly why I like the platforms better, but these aren't so bad once you get used to them." Axel took her drink from Judy before looking back at Les. "So, tell me about you. All I know so far is you're a straight man with a gay roommate."

  Les laughed. "Wish I could say there was a lot more to me, but there really isn't. I do tech work for a small company that handles movie production. Other than that, what you see is what you get."

  "What, no quiet walks through the park, watching the sunset, or quiet dinners on the beach?"

  "I didn't know I was applying for a date." Les smiled as he reached for his drink.

  "Do you want to be?" Axel winked. "No, seriously, there has to be more to you than that. Tell me who you are. Like I'm a mechanic at a transmission shop. That tells you what I do, not who I am. I want to know who you are. Tell me what makes Les someone I'd want to hang with."

  Les took a drink, trying to think what to say. He wasn't anyone exciting. Outside of work and his Friday night bar visits with Jeff, he had no life. "Um, there really isn't much. I used to like camping."

  Axel rolled his eyes. "Used to? As in you stopped liking it?"

  "Well, no. I just don't get time to go anymore."

  "Then you like camping, just don't make time to go. Okay, go on. What else?"

  "Shit, I don't know." Les bit his lip as he thought. "I like to read. I enjoy history. I always wanted to go into history, but there wasn't a ton of money in that career, so I went with computers."

  "What part of history is your favorite?" Axel leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands as she blinked those gorgeous eyes at him.

  Enjoying her eyes like this didn't sit well with Les, but he couldn't stop staring into them. The faint black eyeliner enhanced the deep blue. It was just too much. Forcing his gaze away, he cleared his throat. "I like the Old West a lot, but I also love Revolutionary and early American History."

  "My father is a huge collector of Old West stuff. He's got a house full of things I bet you would love. I've always loved Military History. I guess it's because I love guns. I collect them. My dad got me started when I was little and it just took off from there."

  "You shoot?" Les was very interested in guns. He had one, but he had yet to go practice with it very much. He tried to talk Jeff into going out to the range, but it wasn't anything he was into.

  "Oh yeah. My dad had me learning to use my first one about the age of five. I head out to the mountains as often as I can to target practice."

  "Not the gun range?"

  "I go there sometimes, but I like being out in the mountains. It's not so confining. I like to pack my tent and go for a couple days at a time."

  "Alone?" Les was so jealous. Axel didn't seem to have any fears. As far as he could tell, she lived her life on her own terms, following her dreams, and doing what she wanted. It made Les feel even worse about his own life, where he hid away at home most of the time.

  "Sure. I mean I'd love to have someone to go with, but not a lot of the guys I date like to go, and my dad's getting too old. So, I just pack my tent and spend a few days in my own head. Helps to get rid of the stress and focus on what matters. I leave all the clutter behind."

  "That's so fucking cool. I'd never think to go alone." Les glanced across the bar to where Jeff was now leaning against the back wall, lost in a deep kiss with Carl. "Shit. I swear I don't get it. He finds someone everywhere we go."

  With a flip of her long hair, Axel looked over at them. "Carl usually isn't so forward. He doesn't like public displays of affection. Jeff must have something he likes." Turning back around, she gave Les a sympathetic smile. "How about I get you that drink I promised?"

  "Better not. If I have to drive, I better stop at two." He swirled his drink, watching the ice cubes twist over the bottom of the glass. "Maybe another night when I'm here."

  "I'm guessing that's not often." Axel raised a brow.

  Trying not to stare into the deep blue pools of her eyes, Les sighed. "More often than you think. Jeff likes this place."

  "Well then, I will hold you to that raincheck." She tapped the toe of her shoe on the bar stool as she glanced back over at Carl and Jeff. "They make a cute couple."

  "Jeff isn't looking for forever."

  "And you are?" Axel's gaze was suddenly back on him.

  "Well, yeah. Who doesn't want to settle down with someone and b
e happy? Don't you?"

  Axel twirled her finger around a strand of her hair and shrugged. "Someday, but I have no problem enjoying myself while I look. I'm not going to sit around and be lonely just because I haven't found my forever yet. Don't get me wrong, I don't just take anyone home, I like a good relationship as much as the next person, but during the dry spells, you have to take care of your needs."

  "I just can't do that. It's not me. I can't just sleep around. It has to mean something."

  "You're a virgin?"

  Les nearly choked on the ice cube he'd just sucked into his mouth. He spit it back in the glass as his cheeks heated. "No, I've been with a couple girls. That's how I know the one-night stand shit doesn't work for me. I feel like I've used them. Like they deserve better."

  Axel again covered Les's hand with her own. "That's rare nowadays. You're a good man, even if you suffer for it."

  "Who says I'm suffering."

  "Please. Look at you. You're spending Friday night at the gay bar with your roommate, and even he isn't really here with you. Don't go telling me you enjoy sitting here watching everyone dance and hook up when you could be out doing the same somewhere."

  "Of course, I'd like to be somewhere else, but we have a deal. Every other Friday. It's worked since we met in college."

  "Yet you admit that no matter where you go, you go home alone."

  Les nodded.

  "You need a life."

  "Tell me about it." Les sighed as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. "Jeff's on his way over, wanna bet he's leaving with Carl?"

  Axel swung her stool around and watched as Jeff and Carl made their way to the table.

  "You two know each other?" Jeff leaned against the table, Carl moving right behind him and pressing against him.

  Axel smacked Carl in the arm gently. "You go leaving me alone, I'm going to find the cutest man in the bar to spend my time with." She smiled at Les.

  Not used to the compliment, Les blushed as he tried to return the smile.

  A guilty look crossed over Jeff's face, but didn't stay. "Sorry, we just got dancing and lost track of time. You're not mad, are you?"